6 Convictions Every Parent Needs to Have about Their Child’s Future Spouse

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I must give my sweet, wise, and godly mom credit, as she was relentless in drilling into my heart and mind that, as a believer in Jesus Christ, I needed to only date Christians, because dating leads to marriage, and God calls us to be equally yoked.

Although annoyed at times by my mom’s seemingly excessive concern, my teenage heart tired of her constant reinforcement of God’s truth, I now realize she did the right thing in leading me to follow His wisdom in whom to date and marry.

Some parents, rather than waiting until their kids are adults, are allowing their teenagers and younger kids to make decisions based on their own understanding, rather than on God’s Word, putting them at great risk of being deceived by the enemy of their souls.

Parents who want to be their kids’ buddies, or be the “cool parents,” who care more about being liked by their children than leading them in the right direction, especially when it comes to teaching them to submit to and obey God’s guidelines on whom to date and marry.

Yet, parents are wise to consider 1 Peter 5:8 as a warning: “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

It’s a confusing world we live in today, especially for our kids, and if Christian parents don’t teach their children about whom to date and marry and why, we can count on our culture indoctrinating them to beliefs about love and marriage that are outside the will of God.

When it comes to our kids, we want to keep in mind what 1 Corinthians 15:33 warns, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’”

Why Who Our Kids Marry Matters to God

If Christian parents don’t think it matters to God who their kids marry, they are very mistaken, as it matters a great deal to Him. Marrying someone who does not believe in Him not only leads to heartache for them, but is disobedient to His Word and goes against His will for their lives.

Abraham was very concerned about who his son would marry, giving very specific directions to his servant in Genesis 24:2-4, “He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, “Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.”

God explains the danger involved in marrying someone of a different faith in Deuteronomy 7:3-6: “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, because they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods. Then the anger of the Lord will burn against you, and He will swiftly destroy you.”

God is very clear on why He instructs Christians to marry other Christians, as 2 Corinthians 6:14 instructs, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

When our kids marry unbelievers, they are being set up by the enemy and are at high risk of living the rest of their lives in a divided home. Mark 3:25 warns, “If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.”

1 Corinthians 1:10 “I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

Christians Dating and Marrying Unbelievers Is Not God’s Will

Although many Christian parents nowadays seem to feel like they don’t have a right to instruct whom their kids to marry, God holds them responsible for teaching their children the importance of marrying someone who has the same faith in God that they do.

His Word is very clear to individuals marrying someone who believes in Him. The Bible does not support a believer marrying an unbeliever, so if someone says God is leading them to marry one, it’s just not true and can’t be supported in Scripture. There is too much in the Bible that points to marrying outside our faith as being out of God’s will.

Often, when a believer wants to date an unbeliever, they’ll use what’s called “the missionary dating” excuse, claiming they are trying to win the person to Christ. However, this approach often leads to the couple becoming emotionally attached and eventually getting married. Along with openly going against God’s instructions, it’s dangerous, risking children who may come through a marriage to grow up adhering to their unbelieving parents’ beliefs, rather than their Christian parents’ counsel.

As Romans 12:2 urges, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Teach Your Kids the Truth about Christianity

It’s vital in today’s world to teach our children how the term “Christian” is used in a variety of ways, as many who claim to be Christians do not adhere to the biblical description and requirements defined in God’s Word.

Some who call themselves Christians hold beliefs and doctrines that don’t align with Scripture, denying foundational biblical beliefs. Churches such as The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Jehovah’s Witnesses, and Christian Scientists, to name a few, refer to themselves as Christians, appearing to be so to those who are unaware and unfamiliar with their doctrines.

Additionally, some denominations that once held biblical beliefs have abandoned them to embrace doctrines that are unsound, shaped by the current culture, rather than the Word of God.

6 Ways to Effectively Communicate the Truth about Marriage to Our Children

As Christian parents, are we willing to do whatever it takes for our kids to follow God’s will for their lives in dating and marriage, including facing their possible pushback at our lead, for the sake of their future and for generations to come?

Because it’s so vitally important for Christian parents to lead their children to whom to date and marry, the following are six ways to effectively communicate God’s truth to them.

1. Be clear in communicating why who they marry matters to God. Make it clear to your children that God cares about who they marry, and His will is for them to marry a spouse who shares their faith in Him. Let them know it’s not your decision or rule, but God’s command, and He calls them to follow His instructions.

2. Be trustworthy and consistent in living out our faith before them. As parents, show your children that they can trust where your heart is coming from. Live out your faith daily at home in the small ways that minister to them so that they know when sharing the truth with them, it’s because it’s a truth they need to know.

3. Be relentless in pursuing God’s will for our kids’ lives. My mom was more concerned with my following God’s will in dating and marriage than with staying quiet. She was willing to be relentless in her warning me about dating and marrying someone who didn’t share my faith. It didn’t matter if I had heard it countless times before; she kept reminding me.

4. Be willing to do whatever it takes to help our children marry a Christian. On seeing that I liked a boy in high school who didn’t share my faith in God, my mom meant business and took action by adding fasting to her praying for God’s will in my life. Although she hadn’t ever done that in the past, it didn’t stop her from trying. When I figured out what she was doing, I was livid towards her and let her know. Still, she didn’t let my being upset with her cause her to give up.

5. Be faithful to stand firm on the truth of God’s Word. Even when it may seem like our kids are headed for an unequally yoked marriage, continue to pray, believe, and trust God to move in their lives. Don’t give up asking God to intervene because the future of your child and their children is important to you and even more important to God. He wants godly parents who raise their children to believe in Him.

Too often, parents give in when their kids push back, but it’s important as a parent to stand firm. When I pushed back towards my mother’s fasting and prayer, she didn’t give in. Rather than stop praying for God’s will in my life, she took the brunt of my anger.

As God calls us to do: “Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong” (1 Corinthians 16:13).

Parents are called by God to teach their children His truth; their lives and the lives of their children depend on it for generations to come.

As Ephesians 6:14 encourages, “Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.”

6. Be unmovable in our trust in God to answer. Because my mother was unwavering in her fasting and prayers for me, I married a godly young man who loved God above all else.

She also taught me an important lesson about not giving up when it comes to our children. Mom did what many parents are unwilling to do: to be unmovable in her prayers. She didn’t let my anger towards her hinder or stop her prayers for me.

As Isaiah 50:7 describes, my mom did. “Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame.”

My heart is deeply grateful to my mom for staying faithful to God’s word, even when I was angry and didn’t want her to do so. Unmoved by my resistance and rebellion, it led me to experience the will of God in my life and for generations to come.

As Psalm 119:90 reminds us, “Your faithfulness continues through all generations; you established the earth, and it endures.”

Through my mother’s actions, I received God’s mercy in my life when I didn’t deserve it. As Luke 1:50 describes, “His mercy extends to those who fear Him, from generation to generation.” 

Lynette Kittle is married with four daughters. She enjoys writing about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her writing has been published by Focus on the Family, Decision, Today’s Christian Woman, kirkcameron.com, Ungrind.org, StartMarriageRight.com, and more. She has a M.A. in Communication from Regent University and serves as associate producer for Soul Check TV.