Can’t Wait to Fight Again
By Bruce Goff
My wife, Maria, and I fight a lot. But I want us to fight a lot more.
I’d share an example, but they’re ridiculous and nonsensical. I’m sure you’d side with me and that’s just not fair to her, right?
So why do any of us fight?
According to the Bible, it has to do with not getting what we want (James 4:1-2). My boss once overheard a toddler screaming, "I want what I want!" As adults we just make it sound more sophisticated (sometimes).
When I fight for my wants and my wife fights for hers, it doesn’t work. We’re two toddlers fighting over a stuffed animal. Even when we get what we want, we’re left with half a bear, stuffing falling out.
Instead, when I fight for her, and she fights for me, something amazing happens—peace. Wonderful, intact, plushy peace.
That doesn’t mean we’ll never have conflict. It doesn’t mean I’m a doormat. But it does mean that in the middle of conflict, I fight the urge to focus only on what I want: I love her. I want what’s best for her. She’s not my enemy.
Looking out for the interest of the other is a game-changer.
So how about instead of fighting against each other, we fight for each other? What if in the middle of conflict we prioritize each other’s wants even above our own?
Rather than the tug of war over what we want, I can use our argument to remember that in Christ, I’m loved as much as it is possible to be loved. I don’t have to throw a temper tantrum (in my heart or otherwise) to make sure my wife proves her love on my terms. I’m released from self-interest, freed to love her.
God has shown that love involves giving of one's self for the good of another (Romans 5:8). So I want to fight to make sure my wife knows she's loved. And I want to trust He’ll do the same in her for me.
By God’s grace, I want to fight a lot more.
The good stuff: By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.(1 John 3:16)
Action points: Pray that God would make you aware next time you’re fighting against your spouse instead of fighting for your spouse. Trust that in Christ, God has given us all we need (Romans 8:32)—there’s no need to fight your spouse for it.
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